Five Values

A marriage therapist once discussed with me the five values on which relationships are founded and maintained. 1) The Sexual Value; 2) The Intellectual Value; 3) The Family/Social Value; 4) The Spiritual Value; and 5) The Economic Value. Simply, these are categories in which to invest our time and energy on sharing and exploring with our potential mate. It seems pretty common sense, right? Afterall, that’s what dating is all about.

But here’s where my ears perked up:

It is equally, if not more, important to know and establish your own convictions and beliefs in these fields before you begin sizing up a potential mate. How would you know what is compatible with you when you, yourself, don’t know your own relationship with each of these values? And I mean, truly know.

Once we've done that, he believes that we should decide which of those values is the most important to us, and then spend the most time exploring that value with our potential mate.

Here’s a caveat: the Sexual Value can be the easiest value to explore and the most difficult to hold back—that’s what attraction is all about. It is also, arguably, the most powerful value—its power having been derived from the process of exploring the other four. But if acted upon prematurely, there is the risk that the remaining four values will be left undiscovered. This is why it is recommended to save exploring the sexual value until after due diligence on the first four is complete.

And that is the key to having Hair-on-Fire/Stick-Your-Finger-in-a-Wall-Socket sex.