Dating Again

My parents were here a few weeks ago. It was the first time I’d ever had visitors in Japan. And some of their observations about me in this environment was a wake up call to me. I was told: I grunt. I bow even when driving. I say “hmm” while another person is talking. I slurp my noodles and soup broth. What’s an even bigger alarm sounding is not so much these specific observations, rather, it’s what has changed in me that I’m not even aware of.

Fuuuuuuuuck.

I’m a little nervous about returning to the west, where I might be considered retarded. But you know what I’m nervous about THE MOST? Dating again. It’s like I’ve been on a three year hiatus in Japan. I can’t even begin to share with you just how nervous I am. I used to have game back home (which in Cleveland, isn’t really all that an accomplishment!). But what if I’ve forgotten how to flirt? What if I still grunt and say “hmm” while the other person is talking? What if I continue saying, “Cute!!!” and “Delicious!!!!”??? My biggest fear—is what if I discover that I’ve somehow become weak, feeble, and submissive????????!!!!????? (((choke)))

Does anyone wanna practice dating with me until it’s time to leave?

Anyone? …please….