ode to the japanese squat toilet

I know many of you may disagree on this sensitive issue, but I must say that squat toilets really are the best way to evacuate your system. Frankly, I think all public toilets in the world should be squat toilets. Just think of the hygiene-issue alone. I was at Chicago O'Hare airport needing to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool when to my amazement there was this sheet of thin plastic lining the seat. You push a button and the sheet replaces itself. Now I don't know about you, but that seems like somebody's crack-pot invention first of all (God Bless America) and secondly, a huge waste of money and resources. I say the same for that stupid white piece of paper that you have to punch out the middle and try to perfectly align it on the seat. Who are we kinding here? One thin piece of paper is supposed to block all the potential bacteria on that seat? To the squat toilet I say. And for the old people, if you're too old to squat you might as well be shot.

Anyone else wondering if Japanese people's body structure is that much different from our own or whether the Japanese manufacturer's of western-style toilet bowls are just having a big practical joke.
Two words: mud slides.

And for anyone still reading, I promise to get my mind out of the toilet very soon.