On the 12th day of January, my true love said to me...

"You know those birds which are so popular for Christmas dinner? Turkeys, I believe they are called. Well sometimes it seems that some of them might be killed before they reach your plate.
While most people might have assumed that it was better to kill the birds before taking them home (let’s be honest, have you ever tried to stuff a live turkey? It’s an experience that seldom ends well for either party), a tv programme was inundated with complaints following the sight of some turkeys being killed on a certain food programme.
Viewers saw the six birds, all named after rival TV Chefs, brought into a specially designed room before being trussed and shot in the mouth with a stun gun.
All in all, it looked like as painless a way to meet the great oven dish in the sky as you could hope for but squeamish viewers and, inevitably, animals rights groups have complained. According to one complaint: “The sight was gratuitous and unnecessary”.
Frankly, I would have thought killing the bird before you eat it to be rather the height of necessity.
Kate Moss?
She’s an icon, she is
There we were, thinking that Kate Moss was simply another upstart chav who happened to boast the kind of genetic make-up which has blessed her with the body of a teenage boy. But, apparently, Moss is an inspiration to us all.
According to one friend of the itchy nostriled camera monkey: “A lot of people compare the actress Sienna Miller to her. But I can’t stand to hear that. I don’t know Sienna Miller but there is no comparison to Kate. I don’t like imitations, I like the real thing. I met Kate only a few weeks ago in New York and we both cried because she’s really been through a lot, she’s looking better than ever - she’s an icon.”
And the person delivering such a ringing endorsement? None other than the famously demure Naomi Campbell. With friends like that etc.
Fame and football!
Kids are so fickle
Honestly, if we need any further proof that society is going to Hell in a handbasket then look no further than the latest survey which says that children these days are more interested in cash, celebrity and playing football than they are in matters of religion.
According to one distraught religious campaigner: “It is clearly disappointing that so many more children are more interested in famous footballers than they are in religion and family values.”
That’s kids for you - they’re so bloody childish.