saga yubinkyoku saga
hello. a most extraordinary thing happened yesterday, rivaling in its vast extraordinariness not only the old manna from heaven palava, but even, EVEN, would you believe, kristy grindle from form 2d unzipping my trousers for a fondle at the back of the sports field, aged 13 - quiet naturally the latter being the greater of the two purported miracles, but that's another topic altogether.... i hope you're sitting down for this - i actually got some helpful, time-saving advice at the post office! from what i could gather this wasn't an apparition, though after receiving repeated, systematic abuse over a significant period of time it has been documented that people are prone to hallucination and other assorted flights of fancy. anyway. after 2 years of going into tosu post office, each and every month, to send money home to england, after 2 years of monthly questioning:is this a 4?
yes.
and... um... is this a 7?
yes.
is this a 6?
yes. it's a 6.
is this a... um, where was it... oh yes. is this a G?
yes. g. yes. g.
and uuuum, is this a-
yes. it. is. a fucking. i.
(quite obviously it's a 4, a 7, a 6, and a g. and a fucking i. quite obviously. proper obviously. i heard a rumour, shady and unsourceable, that this was a form of torture used in the second world war in burma - the japanese built a fully operative post office and forced australian and english POWs to file in hour after hour day after agonising day with the promise that if they could send a money order home withing 30 minutes by way of proper procedure, they would then be freed. needless to say, so the rumour goes, no one was ever freed...)
anyway - here's the good bit - after 2 years of this... the guy who was serving me was obviously some kind of guerilla post office worker, probably sporting a che guevera t-shirt below his work shirt, maybe sending a 1000 yen a month to the zapatistas - he said to me, casual as you like, 'sir, would you like me to tick this box? if i do, you can recieve electronically printed forms to your door, with all this information that you've been handwriting on like a bastard for the past 2 years, already inserted. what do you think?'
i have a feeling that suggesting a short engagement followed by a lavish wedding was going a bit far, but then i had temporarily taken leave of my senses...
so, the advice is, get the forms, sent to your house, change your life.
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