blog ideas part 4: The interview

In light of the recent District Representative elections, this ace reporter decided to secure an interview with the lovely Jayne B. What makes a politician in a rural area tick? That's what this ace reporter set to find out.

I caught Jayne at a local okonomiake place. The night was sultry, and the smell of... whatever they put in okonomiake was in the air.
Ace reporter Clay: What is the name of your district?
Jayne: Um, I think it's Ureshino-shi. But I have to get back to you on that.

Ace reporter Clay: How does it feel to be a newly elected DR?
Jayne: It's wild, dude.

Ace reporter Clay: Was it a hard-fought campain?
Jayne: To be honest, it wasn't. You just have to know the right people and be willing to spend time on your knees.
Ace reporter Clay:...
Jayne: Take that however you will.

Ace reporter Clay: What do you think of your running mate's ties to big oil? Is he in bed with them?
Jayne: That rat bastard. I've had it with his oily antics.

Ace reporter Clay: What are the goals of your administration for this year?
Jayne: Well, one: To not have clueless new ALTs in the dark looking for Ramen. And two: Make sure people haven't gone to the dark side, via random phone calls. I miss random phone calls.
Ace reporter Clay: So do I. Jayne.
Jayne: Huh?
Ace reporter Clay: Nothing. Moving on...

Ace reporter Clay: Your critics call you crazy and violent. Does that make you want to strangle them?
Jayne: *$(@! yes it does!

Ace reporter Clay: Does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard?
Jayne: Damn right. It's better than yours...
Ace reporter Clay: Follow up question: Could you teach me?
Jayne: I could, but I'd have to charge.

Ace reporter Clay: Do you think the previous administration had game?
Jayne: Nah, dude. Jayne got game. Jayne got game.
And out of nowhere she produced a basket ball and swished it into a net I hadn't noticed before without even looking back at it. Then she folder her arms and cocked her head as if to say,See?
Jayne, with some of her "constituency."

Ace reporter Clay: Is your finger constantly on the button? You know, the button.
Jayne: Well, if the wrong people [mutter mutter]... Kabloom!
Ace reporter Clay: Kabloom? With an "L"?
Jayne: I said Kabloom, Mofo!

Ace reporter Clay: Isn't that ace reporter Clay just dreamy?
Ace reporter Clay: Remember, you're under reporter's oath.
Jayne, with downcast eyes: Yeah...
Not knowing what to make of that sort of response, and realizing that his flimsy pretext of using a humorous interview to get a date and search her inner feelings was failing, ace reporter Clay moved quickly to the next question, like the professional he is.

Ace reporter Clay: What will you do to support the newly spawned dodgeball league?
Jayne: Wup little kiddie butts! I'll take out their front lines ala Billy Madison!

Ace reporter Clay: Are you a puppy smuggler?
Jayne: I don't know what you're talking abou--
Ace reporter Clay: Then explain these pictures!

Jayne: Where did you get these?! It was McMahon! He's out to get me! He found them! I was trying to save them!

Ace reporter Clay: Finally, can you cover this tab? I'm a little short...
Jayne: Sure dude. But this is the last time.
Ace reporter Clay: At least until the next time I come up with a clever ruse to get you on a date again
Jayne: What's that you are saying not-so quietly to yourself?
Ace report Clay: Thanks!