I'm glad you like Americans and all, but I really gotta use the bathroom!
Well, my experience today reminded me that I had threatened to tell you all this story in the forums, but first today:

I was called a few hours ago by an random old man. He said, "You go to Yamauchi with me! Tomorrow!"
I replied, "Uh maybe that is not a good idea."
"You come to my house!
"Uh? Who are you? Where is your house?"
"[insert random Japanese name that I forget within five seconds, just like all Japanese names], you come NOW!"
"Uh, where?"
"I call Maeda-san."
I hung up. Apparently, he was calling my supervisor, who is also conveniently my next door neighbor, so I went to her house.
I was greeted by grandma, who explained in dense Japanese that we were taking a taxi somewhere together.
So we go way, way into the mountains to a orange/nut farm. Turns out an old man wanted to meet me, and we are brought into his tiny bedroom, which has not been cleaned since 1983, judging by the smell of rotten fruit. He is quite drunk, asking the same questions over and over again.
At some point we thankfully leave his hobo-room and go out into the farm to gather nuts. He plays, for some unfathomable reason, Japanese calesthetics music as me and grandma pick up nuts and he watches us.
Then we are taken back to his place, where the inevitable alcohol argument comes up. He brings out four beers. I tell him I don't drink for religious reasons. He asks why. I say, "Kami-sama says no."
He replies, "Well, your god is an idiot then."
Then he insists I use his phone to call America. "RIGHT NOW!" Um, it's midnight there dude.
I pretend to talk on the phone.
finally, my supervisor shows up and rescues me and grandma. I feel really bad cause grandma payed like 12 bucks for the taxi ride up and refuse to let me pay for it.

But this is only the second time I've been kidnapped. The first time I was spirited away, it was by a certain family that has a notorious reputation among the JETs. You are warned not to buy cars from these people. I am also told they gossip about my supervisor, so I don't really wanna meet them (Maeda-san is cool!).
But they show up at my house one night, and there is no easy way to tell a Japanese person no, especially when they just wanna be friendly, so I go along to their barbecue. A couple of other foreigners where there; one was a former JET, and the other was an Irish guy that thankfully got less rude the more he drank.
Now this couple informed me that I had heard wrong about the family, and they were nice people. Indeed, they were pretty generous. But as the night dragged on, I was given the request to teach their young grandson English. "Well, I'm kinda busy, and I'm not an English teacher. I would have no idea what to do."
"We can pay."
Accepting money would somehow make me feel like a creep, so I respond, "maybe."
At the nights end, the old woman of the clan brought me home and said, "You come every day."
Not on your life, lady. I have since deigned to show up twice, but I don't let them dictate when I have to visit. If we arrange a time, I show up late to make a point.
I could tell you more about dealing with these pushy-yet kind people and their efforts to force me to teach English, and the crying of their grandson when I leave, but I'm tired.
I am curious though, how may of you have had similar experiences? Is this just a crazy isolated rural town thing? Lemme know in the comments section.